Daughters of God

I think most mothers would agree that there are very humbling moments where you feel inadiquate as a mom. I know I do when I've displayed a lack of patience, an unkind word or a short temper. I have much need for improvement... but I am thankful that God is faithful and forgiving. And like Paul in speaking to the Corinthians I too have a thorn in my flesh... yet, Christ's grace is sufficient for me and my strength is made perfect in weakness.

Lately I've been deeply studying Alma 37. A couple of days ago three verses stood out to me very strong that made me think of my children, the way I speak to them, the time and attention I give them and what I truly value.

"I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise....If ye keep the commandments of God, and do with these things which are sacred [my children] according to that which the Lord doth command you, (for you must appeal unto the Lord for all things whatsoever ye must do with them) behold no power of earth or hell can take them from you, for God is powerful to the fulfilling of all His words. For He will fulfil all His promises which He shall make unto you..."- Alma 37:6,16-17

After reading these verses I went to LDS Scripture Citation Index and found a talk by Elder M.Russel Ballard given back in 2008. It fit perfectly with my thoughts on motherhood. I've posted a majority of the talk below.

DAUGHTERS OF GOD (After clicking on this link, scroll down to the bottom of the page it is the second to last talk given in the Sunday Afternoon Session. Here it can be viewed, or listened to as well.)

"After observing and empathizing with three generations of mothers and thinking of my own dear mother, I surely know that there is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood.

There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.

I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life. If a child lives with parents for 18 or 19 years, that span is only one-fourth of a parent’s life. And the most formative time of all, the early years in a child’s life, represents less than one-tenth of a parent’s normal life. It is crucial to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us and to seek, with the help of the Lord, to teach them all we can before they leave our homes. This eternally important work falls to mothers and fathers as equal partners. I am grateful that today many fathers are more involved in the lives of their children. But I believe that the instincts and the intense nurturing involvement of mothers with their children will always be a major key to their well-being. In the words of the proclamation on the family, “Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49; Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102).

We need to remember that the full commitment of motherhood and of putting children first can be difficult. Through my own four-generation experience in our family, and through discussions with mothers of young children throughout the Church, I know something of a mother’s emotions that accompany her commitment to be at home with young children. There are moments of great joy and incredible fulfillment, but there are also moments of a sense of inadequacy, monotony, and frustration. Mothers may feel they receive little or no appreciation for the choice they have made. Sometimes even husbands seem to have no idea of the demands upon their wives.

As a Church, we have enormous respect and gratitude to you mothers of young children. We want you to be happy and successful in your families and to have the validation and support you need and deserve. So today, let me ask and briefly answer four questions. While my answers may seem extremely simple, if the simple things are being tended to, a mother’s life can be most rewarding.

The first question: What can you do, as a young mother, to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family more?

First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.

Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less” (Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).

Second, don’t overschedule yourselves or your children. We live in a world that is filled with options. If we are not careful, we will find every minute jammed with social events, classes, exercise time, book clubs, scrapbooking, Church callings, music, sports, the Internet, and our favorite TV shows. One mother told me of a time that her children had 29 scheduled commitments every week: music lessons, Scouts, dance, Little League, day camps, soccer, art, and so forth. She felt like a taxi driver. Finally, she called a family meeting and announced, “Something has to go; we have no time to ourselves and no time for each other.” Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together.

Third, even as you try to cut out the extra commitments, sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children. Avoid any kind of substance abuse, mistakenly thinking that it will help you accomplish more. And don’t allow yourself to be caught up in the time-wasting, mind-numbing things like television soap operas or surfing the Internet. Turn to the Lord in faith, and you will know what to do and how to do it.

Fourth, pray, study, and teach the gospel. Pray deeply about your children and about your role as a mother. Parents can offer a unique and wonderful kind of prayer because they are praying to the Eternal Parent of us all. There is great power in a prayer that essentially says, “We are steward-parents over Thy children, Father; please help us to raise them as Thou wouldst want them raised.”

The second question: What more can a husband do to support his wife, the mother of their children?

First, show extra appreciation and give more validation for what your wife does every day. Notice things and say thank you—often. Schedule some evenings together, just the two of you.

Second, have a regular time to talk with your wife about each child’s needs and what you can do to help.

Third, give your wife a “day away” now and then. Just take over the household and give your wife a break from her daily responsibilities. Taking over for a while will greatly enhance your appreciation of what your wife does. You may do a lot of lifting, twisting, and bending!

Fourth, come home from work and take an active role with your family. Don’t put work, friends, or sports ahead of listening to, playing with, and teaching your children.

The third question: What can children, even young children, do? Now, you children, please listen to me because there are some simple things you can do to help your mother.

You can pick up your toys when you are finished playing with them, and when you get a little older, you can make your bed, help with the dishes, and do other chores—without being asked.

You can say thank you more often when you finish a nice meal, when a story is read to you at bedtime, or when clean clothes are put in your drawers.

Most of all, you can put your arms around your mother often and tell her you love her.

The last question: What can the Church do?

There are many things the Church offers to mothers and families, but for my purpose today may I suggest that the bishopric and the ward council members be especially watchful and considerate of the time and resource demands on young mothers and their families. Know them and be wise in what you ask them to do at this time in their lives. Alma’s counsel to his son Helaman applies to us today: “Behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass” ( Alma 37:6).

I hope all of you dear sisters, married or single, never wonder if you have worth in the sight of the Lord and to the leaders of the Church. We love you. We respect you and appreciate your influence in preserving the family and assisting with the growth and the spiritual vitality of the Church. Let us remember that “the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World”). The scriptures and the teachings of the prophets and apostles help all family members to prepare together now to be together through all eternity. I pray that God will continually bless the women of the Church to find joy and happiness in their sacred roles as daughters of God."

Chin Up, Hold Your Head High in Meekness

Sometimes I fall into the temptation of beating myself up, of picking at every little flaw and putting myself down saying things like, "Why can't I figure things out?" "She seems like such a better mother than me." "When will I learn to hold my tongue and be more patient with my kids?" "I wish I were prettier like her... I wish I were smarter like so and so... I wish I could somehow keep at least a little order in my house instead of this chaotic mess all the time..." and on and on I go viewing myself so negatively.

Pretty depressing ha?

So in my little slump I turned to some talks that were given at a women's conference a few years back. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Maybe someone else needs this pep talk too... so here's a few clips from it.

"We are all pretty hard on ourselves, but it seems to me women are harder on themselves than men will ever be. Why is that so? We ask you not to do it. Repent when or where that is necessary, but then honor that other “R”—Rejoice!" - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

and then Sister Holland adds...

"Sisters, may I make an appeal that it is a time for us, especially as women, to try to strip ourselves of something else that also seems so prevalent among women. I suppose men suffer with such things, too, but it seems to be particularly evident, and particularly painful, among women. It is closely related to the things my husband just touched on. I speak of the constant feeling we seem to have that what we are or what we have is not enough. That is Satan’s demonic chant sounding continually in our ears. It is not true! We are more intelligent than this. We are stronger, much stronger, than this! Constantly comparing ourselves with others leaves us feeling so weak and worthless. It taps into our pride and poisons with jealousy. Let’s start a new “chant”— that we are women of Christ, that we are spiritually strong personally, and that we will prepare the next generation for their opportunities. Let us strip ourselves of pride and vanity and envy forever.

Heaven only knows how much the world uses envy and pride and worldly glamour in our society. We have to walk away from these things but this will not be easy to do. We will need these gifts of heaven of which we spoke earlier, the power of God’s grace and priesthood, the atoning power of the Savior, which compensates where we try and try but seem to fall short.

James knew all this. He said: “The spirit which God implanted in us [all of us] turns towards envious desires. Yet the grace he gives is stronger. Thus the scripture says, God opposes the arrogant and gives grace to the humble. Be submissive then to God. . . . Come close to [him] and he will come close to you. . . .Humble yourselves before God and he will lift you up” (James 4:5–6, 8, 10, New English Bible;
emphasis added).

Isn’t that a tremendous thought? If we would not “lift” ourselves up with these cursed temptations of envy and pride, God would gladly step in and do the “lifting” for us! Only He can lift us up where He wants us and where we really want to be. We can’t get there by clawing or clamor, by cattiness or cutting others down. We certainly can’t get there by vaunting ourselves “up.”

Furthermore I believe with all my heart that this is a challenge we will face again and again. We should not be discouraged if the challenge returns tomorrow just when we thought we gave it such a good effort today. I say this out of the honesty, and experience, of my own heart. I struggle with these issues just as you do, and just as everyone does. So don’t give up hope and don’t think you are the only one who feels these things or struggles with these temptations. We all do, but every effort is a godly one, and every victory is counted for our good. And if we turn around to face the same challenge again tomorrow, so be it. We will work again, with all our heart, to strip away anything that keeps us from truly being “meek and lowly”—in all the right ways—before God. His grace is sufficient to help us succeed at that."- Patricia Holland