Change of Seasons

I noticed a few of the leaves were turning yellow today which means the change of seasons is in the air. This is always a welcome change for me because I LOVE fall! Seeing these signs of nature, made me think of the variety of seasons in life for all of us.

I couldn't help but reflect on the phone call from my dad earlier this morning that mom has been admitted to the hospital again. With her condition seemingly getting worse over the past year, this could be an indication that I am entering another season in my own life... the leaves are changing. I suppose nothing really does stay the same forever and life unfolds in ways we usually don't expect.

Thinking about my mom today, I began to feel a little heavy with fear. "I'm not ready to be at a stage in my life yet where I watch my parents deteriorate.... In 20 yrs. from now I still don't think I'll be ready to handle such a challenge!" Needing some comfort, I recalled the scripture in Mormon that reads, "For do we not read that God is the ^asame ^byesterday, today, and forever, and in him there is no ^cvariableness neither shadow of changing?"

I remember sitting in a testimony meeting years ago and listening to a mother who just lost a baby at birth. I'm sure this was something she never imagined would happen to her. But through her tears she had not lost her faith. She stood confident and declared with boldness, "I don't know what the future holds...But I know Who holds the future." I've never forgotten that.

I take comfort in knowing that God will not leave us, He will help us through whatever life requires of us and give us strength to bear it. I believe with all my heart in the promise found in Isaiah "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Because He First Loved Us

I had such a wonderful day at church yesterday. Our Stake Presidency visited and spoke to us about Charity, forgiveness and focusing on the good in all we say and do. It was so uplifting. President Christiansen focused a lot on God's love and how it works within us. He quoted the following:

“We think we have to change, grow and be good in order to be loved. But rather we are loved and we receive His grace so we can change, grow and be good.” - John Powell

Image by, Mark Mabry

It's true! In 1 John 4:19 it teaches "We love Him, because he first loved us." Grace is truly an enabling power. I pondered how often I extend grace to my fellow man or how often I only give love when I feel it's been "earned". What would happen if I gave love regardless of how others receive it? What miracles would happen, especially in my own heart?

I felt like yesterday was such a feast. I appreciated how humbling the messages were for me. I love meetings like that!

Amazing Story of Healing

This is a true story about a man who forgave the drunk driver that killed his wife and two kids. It is so powerful and inspiring!! It's a reminder to me of Christ's miraculous Atonement and the healing that comes from forgiving others!! Take a look and watch this increadible story. Share it with everyone you know :)

Chin Up, Hold Your Head High in Meekness

Sometimes I fall into the temptation of beating myself up, of picking at every little flaw and putting myself down saying things like, "Why can't I figure things out?" "She seems like such a better mother than me." "When will I learn to hold my tongue and be more patient with my kids?" "I wish I were prettier like her... I wish I were smarter like so and so... I wish I could somehow keep at least a little order in my house instead of this chaotic mess all the time..." and on and on I go viewing myself so negatively.

Pretty depressing ha?

So in my little slump I turned to some talks that were given at a women's conference a few years back. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Maybe someone else needs this pep talk too... so here's a few clips from it.

"We are all pretty hard on ourselves, but it seems to me women are harder on themselves than men will ever be. Why is that so? We ask you not to do it. Repent when or where that is necessary, but then honor that other “R”—Rejoice!" - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

and then Sister Holland adds...

"Sisters, may I make an appeal that it is a time for us, especially as women, to try to strip ourselves of something else that also seems so prevalent among women. I suppose men suffer with such things, too, but it seems to be particularly evident, and particularly painful, among women. It is closely related to the things my husband just touched on. I speak of the constant feeling we seem to have that what we are or what we have is not enough. That is Satan’s demonic chant sounding continually in our ears. It is not true! We are more intelligent than this. We are stronger, much stronger, than this! Constantly comparing ourselves with others leaves us feeling so weak and worthless. It taps into our pride and poisons with jealousy. Let’s start a new “chant”— that we are women of Christ, that we are spiritually strong personally, and that we will prepare the next generation for their opportunities. Let us strip ourselves of pride and vanity and envy forever.

Heaven only knows how much the world uses envy and pride and worldly glamour in our society. We have to walk away from these things but this will not be easy to do. We will need these gifts of heaven of which we spoke earlier, the power of God’s grace and priesthood, the atoning power of the Savior, which compensates where we try and try but seem to fall short.

James knew all this. He said: “The spirit which God implanted in us [all of us] turns towards envious desires. Yet the grace he gives is stronger. Thus the scripture says, God opposes the arrogant and gives grace to the humble. Be submissive then to God. . . . Come close to [him] and he will come close to you. . . .Humble yourselves before God and he will lift you up” (James 4:5–6, 8, 10, New English Bible;
emphasis added).

Isn’t that a tremendous thought? If we would not “lift” ourselves up with these cursed temptations of envy and pride, God would gladly step in and do the “lifting” for us! Only He can lift us up where He wants us and where we really want to be. We can’t get there by clawing or clamor, by cattiness or cutting others down. We certainly can’t get there by vaunting ourselves “up.”

Furthermore I believe with all my heart that this is a challenge we will face again and again. We should not be discouraged if the challenge returns tomorrow just when we thought we gave it such a good effort today. I say this out of the honesty, and experience, of my own heart. I struggle with these issues just as you do, and just as everyone does. So don’t give up hope and don’t think you are the only one who feels these things or struggles with these temptations. We all do, but every effort is a godly one, and every victory is counted for our good. And if we turn around to face the same challenge again tomorrow, so be it. We will work again, with all our heart, to strip away anything that keeps us from truly being “meek and lowly”—in all the right ways—before God. His grace is sufficient to help us succeed at that."- Patricia Holland

Heavy Laden

Painting by: Greg Olsen

I am so exhausted from this past week, I don't think I have much strength left to do any more. In between momhood, schooling, apartment managing, laundry, dishes and caring for some friends who are ill... I feel very, very "heavy laden."

I'm thankful for the comfort and peace I find in the scriptures and in the Spirit. I will cast my burden on the Lord and trust in the beautiful enabling power of His Grace. I don't need to be perfect I just need to follow Him who is perfect. I find hope knowing that He will make up the difference for all that I lack. I know that in His strength I can do all that He requires of me.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." - Matt. 11:28

"Teach them to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find rest to their souls." - Alma 37:34

"And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." - Galatians 6:9

"Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." - Doctrine and Covenants 64:33

New Years... and Fears?

I think with a new year it's easy to have new fears. Maybe fear because of the unknown, fear of future burdens, war, economic struggles, sickness, or losing a friend or loved one. We may have anxiety for a new year because we doubt our abilities or we are afraid we will make the same mistakes all over again.



But faith is to hope for that which is not seen but are true, to trust that God is in the details of our lives and will guide us as we seek His guidance. He will strengthen us to do right as we seek His strength.



The Lord led the children of Israel out of bondage through the plagues, the famines, the sea and wilderness... surely then He can and will lead us through our trials and provide us with our needs!

Painting by, Arnold Friberg

So many times I have witnessed this in my life! I know God lives and He hears our prayers. He will provide & He will guide as we seek His will. The right things will fall into place and that which is not essential will drop out. It's through the Refiner's fire that gold is made and dross consumed. He loves us, we are His children. This I know, I shall not fear!



The following quote is from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf and is part of the January Message from the Ensign.



"Individual and collective trials may sometimes seem overwhelming. That is when we need, more than ever, to draw near unto the Lord. As we do, we will come to know what it means to have the Lord draw near unto us. As we seek Him ever more diligently, we will surely find Him. We will see clearly that the Lord does not abandon His Church or His faithful Saints. Our eyes will be opened, and we will see Him open the windows of heaven and shower us with more of His light. We will find the spiritual strength to survive even during the darkest night.



It may be hard to see that at times, but hold on a little longer, for “eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him” and wait for Him (1 Corinthians 2:9; see also D&C 76:10; 133:45)."

Psalms 31:24

One of my ultimate favorite scriptures is found in Psalms 31:24 "Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord."

I remember when I was in High School I saw a beautiful video about the life, love and sacrifice of my Savior, Jesus Christ. This scripture from Psalms flashed across the screen and I felt the truthfulness of this speak to my heart with such force. The spirit bore such a powerful witness to me then. I still feel the wonderful truth of this verse when I read it today.

I know that as I seek the Lord through diligent prayer, sincere and humble heartfelt prayer... He is faithful in answering. Sometimes it's not always the answer that I want but His ways are not my ways. He is aware of my needs, fears, insecurities, trials, my failings, my triumphs, my efforts, my desires and so on. He delights to bless each of us, He is anxious to answer our prayers, to direct our paths.... He wants us to call on Him, to knock, to ask, to pray, to hear, to receive....

One more scripture I love is found in the Book of Mormon...

2 Nephi 25:23&26
For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do

And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.

I am forever thankful for the hope and strength that comes from my Father in Heaven through His precious Son, Jesus Christ. I am thankful for the peace and hope I find in His word and His Spirit. He gives me strength beyond my own and comforts my heart.

God Bless you!
Alicia

Help Me to Be What I Am Not

I've never done this before but this year I've been doing an online school with my kids through k12.com I've chosen to do it for several reasons... one is because we move alot and another is because my son has asperger syndrome. I also like the fact that my kids can pray in school and use Scripture for part of their study. My children will still take a few classes at a regular school as they get older but I will teach the core ones.

This has been both rewarding and very challenging. Today has been very challenging. We all woke up on the wrong side of the bed and have been irritated, rude and impatient with each other. It's days like these that I feel like I am doing more damage than good by homeschooling. uggg!

I was getting so impatient and so irritable with my kids that finally for their safety I sent them outside for an hour long recess from me!

I went to my room and knelt down completely overwhelmed by my own weakness. I prayed for patience. I know about patience, I can talk about patience. I read scriptures about patience. But I don't feel like I AM patient... I know I'm not. So I prayed for GRACE! "Dear Father in Heaven please help me be what I am not." As to my own strength I am weak... I need strength beyond my own to accomplish this God given assignment as mother.

Every day I pray to improve but most of all I pray that He will help me see what I don't see.... in myself and in others. I pray He will help me be what I am not.... Because so often I am not forgiving, I am not gentle and I am not compassionate....the human nature side of me isn't.

But He knows my divine nature. I know our Father in Heaven is so anxious to bless us and he will give us what we ask for if it is a righteous request. I feel better now that I've given myself a "time out." I'm thankful to know that I can pray anytime, anywhere and seek for the powers of heaven to assist me. Our Father in Heaven is faithful, as I seek Him, He is always there. Oh how I need Him.

Feeling Grace

I've tried to put into words how Grace makes me feel.... it's not easy because

it's so much more than this. Either way, here it goes:

FEELING GRACE

"Warm rays of sunlight stream down upon me and dance across my face.

Darkness is dispelled as the morning breaks.

I breathe in the crisp refreshing air that follows a summer rain.

I smile.

I breathe deep again.

I feel blessed, I feel free.

I am home.

A new day has arrived,

I am rested and renewed.

Hope is alive,

It pulses through my veins.

There is nothing I fear,

I am safe here.

And it's only the beginning..."

by, alicia rawlins

No matter where I've been or what I've done, after I have experienced a mighty change of heart and after I have given all I can and tried my best, no matter how imperfect or flawed my best may be......Grace is the enabling power that allows me to lay hold on the things of heaven. Through sincere prayer, sincere repentance, I feel strengthened, sweet forgiveness.....I am made whole, washed clean, I feel hope and enabled to keep going because of the amazing miracle of Grace through Christ and the atonement....and I want to share it!