Help Me to Be What I Am Not

I've never done this before but this year I've been doing an online school with my kids through k12.com I've chosen to do it for several reasons... one is because we move alot and another is because my son has asperger syndrome. I also like the fact that my kids can pray in school and use Scripture for part of their study. My children will still take a few classes at a regular school as they get older but I will teach the core ones.

This has been both rewarding and very challenging. Today has been very challenging. We all woke up on the wrong side of the bed and have been irritated, rude and impatient with each other. It's days like these that I feel like I am doing more damage than good by homeschooling. uggg!

I was getting so impatient and so irritable with my kids that finally for their safety I sent them outside for an hour long recess from me!

I went to my room and knelt down completely overwhelmed by my own weakness. I prayed for patience. I know about patience, I can talk about patience. I read scriptures about patience. But I don't feel like I AM patient... I know I'm not. So I prayed for GRACE! "Dear Father in Heaven please help me be what I am not." As to my own strength I am weak... I need strength beyond my own to accomplish this God given assignment as mother.

Every day I pray to improve but most of all I pray that He will help me see what I don't see.... in myself and in others. I pray He will help me be what I am not.... Because so often I am not forgiving, I am not gentle and I am not compassionate....the human nature side of me isn't.

But He knows my divine nature. I know our Father in Heaven is so anxious to bless us and he will give us what we ask for if it is a righteous request. I feel better now that I've given myself a "time out." I'm thankful to know that I can pray anytime, anywhere and seek for the powers of heaven to assist me. Our Father in Heaven is faithful, as I seek Him, He is always there. Oh how I need Him.

He never gives up on us.

I was listening to some talks from last conference today and I really like this part. This is very comforting for me when I have had a day or days where I feel like such a crappy mom.

"There are some who believe that because they have made mistakes, they can no longer fully partake of the blessings of the gospel. How little they understand the purposes of the Lord. One of the great blessings of living the gospel is that it refines us and helps us learn from our mistakes. We “all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God,”11 yet the Atonement of Jesus Christ has the power to make us whole when we repent."
- President Dieter F. Uchtdorf Second Counselor in the First Presidency

“Oh, it is wonderful to know that our Heavenly Father loves us—even with all our flaws! His love is such that even should we give up on ourselves, He never will.

“We [might] see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever. . . .

“The gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of transformation. It takes us as men and women of the earth and refines us into men and women for the eternities.”- Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

Watch Out!!

On memorial day my two little boys discovered that the cars driving around the grounds of the cemetery were driving extremely slow. Traffic was almost at a standstill, mostly because of the crowds there that day.

My two boys began to play a game of holding up their hands, signaling for the slow moving cars to stop and then cross to the other side. They were amused at their strength to "stop them".

At first I thought it was cute but soon my protective instinct set in. "You guys.. this really isn't a good game to play, you could get hurt... I know the cars are going very, very slowly but please just stay on the grass."......

Later that day, we went up to the canyons with a group of friends for lunch. I had forgotten about the game my boys were playing with the cars. The traffic along the canyon road was critically faster than that at the cemetery and there were blinding curves coupled with steep slopes. Most cars were going about 50 mph. It was a beautiful day, and the weather was perfect. We were sitting in the shade enjoying our lunch when I looked up....

To my horror... there was my little 4yr. old boy standing in the middle of the canyon road with his hands in the air waiting for the cars to come so he could "stop them." I had only a split second to rescue him. If a car came at that moment it would certainly be going fast enough to kill him and if the driver saw him they certainly wouldn't have been able to stop in time because of the steep, blinding curves. I yelled out his name as I ran to him and pulled him out of the road just in time... for only seconds later there passed a speeding car. He was angry at me because he couldn't see the danger. To him, I had spoiled his fun and ruined his game.



.... I have thought about this situation with the cars many times since and have thought how God must feel sometimes when his children insist on having dangerous "fun" and how we as His children get angry at Him because His commandments are too "restricting."



This little experience helped to solidify that God gives us commandments because He loves us and to protect us, they are there to prevent unnecessary hurt and spiritual death to our souls.

Someone once said, "God made us free and He gives us commandments to keep us free." I testify that this is true! He sees the bigger picture. I know He loves us and wants so much for us to be happy, to be free... but we must understand that "His ways are not our ways." I testify that it is only His way that sets us free.

I am thankful for the experience I had that Memorial day... for it taught me a valuable lesson.

God bless you,
Alicia

So Blessed

I had such a wonderful day with my husband and my little children today. It's not all the time that things go this smooth, it was great. So many times today I just stood back, looked at my little family and thought, "I am so incredibly blessed!!" I love being a mommy and I love sharing these experiences with my husband.

I thought this quote would be fitting for today:

"Behold your little ones. Pray with them. Pray for them and bless them. The world into which they are moving is a complex and difficult world. They will run into heavy seas of adversity. They will need all the strength and all the faith you can give them while they are yet near you. And they will also need a greater strength which comes of a higher power. They must do more than go along with what they find. They must lift the world, and the only levers they will have are the example of their own lives and the powers of persuasion that will come of their testimonies and their knowledge of the things of God. They will need the help of the Lord. While they are young, pray with them that they may come to know that source of strength which shall then always be available in every hour of need." - Gordon B. Hinckley

Mr. Personality!

Yes. These are my 3 kids with their home-made Easter baskets. Take a look... can you see which one of my children is my craziest?

I don't know where he gets it from.... hmm...I really don't know...
Now she might look like she could be my mild one...... but.....Believe it or not this one is really my mildest.
Life is full of excitement!
Ahh yes, there is my mild one.
Remember my pretty little girl... this is her home-made "costume." She wrapped scotch tape around her head and said, "Look mommy, look at my costume mommy!" Hey, at least she's creative....practical too.

Ahh the Joys of being a mommy!
I wouldn't trade any of it for the whole world!

Powerful Mothers

I listened to this talk 3 times this morning by Julie B. Beck, General Relief Society President. I agree with everything she says. So I wanted to share it. Of course this is just part of the talk... I have summarized it for the ease of reading and to highlight the points that stand out to a more general audience.

I think it's sad how children are valued less now days and motherhood is seen as a burden instead of the great blessing it really is. I know it's not always easy. I'm a full-time mom of 3 with one on the way. Some days are overwhelmingly hard. But, there is no one else whose influence is greater than a mother.... so why do we let the world influence our little ones? There is nothing that gives me greater joy and greater fulfillment than teaching, leading, loving and nurturing these precious gifts God has given me. It is no small thing to raise a child in righteous principles. It's a noble calling that I am proud, very proud to be a part of.

Here's the clips from that talk I liked so much:
God bless you!
Alicia

"The responsibility mothers have today has never required more vigilance. More than at any time in the history of the world, we need mothers who know. Children are being born into a world where they "wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places" (Ephesians 6:12).1 However, mothers need not fear. When mothers know who they are and who God is and have made covenants with Him, they will have great power and influence for good on their children....."

"Mothers who know desire to bear children. Whereas in many cultures in the world children are "becoming less valued,"2 in the culture of the gospel we still believe in having children...."

"Mothers who know are nurturers....Nurturing requires organization, patience, love, and work. Helping growth occur through nurturing is truly a powerful and influential role bestowed on women."

"Mothers who know are leaders. In equal partnership with their husbands, they lead a great and eternal organization. These mothers plan for the future of their organization..... They do not abandon their plan by succumbing to social pressure and worldly models of parenting. These wise mothers who know are selective about their own activities and involvement to conserve their limited strength in order to maximize their influence where it matters most."

"Mothers who know are always teachers. Since they are not babysitters, they are never off duty. A well-taught friend told me that he did not learn anything at church that he had not already learned at home. His parents used family scripture study, prayer, family home evening, mealtimes, and other gatherings to teach."

"Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world's goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord's kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power."

- Julie B. Beck, General Relief Society President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints- Given in World-wide Conference Oct. 2007

New Baby

I'm excited to say that this year we will have a new addition to our family. There is nothing like holding a newborn baby in my arms. My other children are so excited too. They can't wait. I feel very ready for my fourth. I pray for a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery.
Here are a couple of poems about newborn's. God bless you!
Have a wonderful day!
Alicia

They are idols of hearts and of households!
They are angels of God in disguise;
The sunlight still sleeps in their tresses,
His glory still gleams in their eyes;
These truants from home and from Heaven,
They have made me more gentle and mild;
And I know now how Jesus could liken
The kingdom of God to a child.
By- Charles M. Dickinson

Your tiny hand, Holds mine so sure-
Your precious hand, So clean and pure.
With all your trust, You cling to me-
No worries or cares, Of what might be.
A light in the dark, A shining star,
An angel from heaven, Is what you are.
This joy I feel, I can't express;
you've brought my life Such happiness.
I have more Than riches told;
Your tiny hand, In mine I hold.
By- Alicia Rawlins http://aliciarawlins.com/

Babies don't keep.

I spent alot of time yesterday on the computer and it was very frustrating because my internet was slow, files weren't saving, and nothing was working right. It wouldn't have been so upsetting if I could say I got something accomplished after a few hours. Instead, I ended up losing files and undoing most of the things I worked so hard on.

I spent very little time with my kids and the house went to pot. Those mom's out there who have 2 yr. olds or 3 yr. olds know how quickly they can make a mess.

But I'm not going to worry so much about all the mess today. And as soon as I'm done with this post.... I'm logging off for the rest of the day.

I found a poem that goes with how I feel right now. I don't know who the author is... if anyone out there does, please leave it on a comment and I'll make sure I give the proper credit.

"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait ’til tomorrow.

For babies grow up, We’ve learned to our sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.

I’m rocking my baby, And babies don’t keep."

Painting: "The Touch of Innocence", by Alicia Rawlins http://aliciarawlins.com/

Show & Tell

It was my oldest child's turn in his elementary class yesterday for "Show & Tell." He wanted to bring his younger brother and sister to show off to his class. I called his teacher to see if that would be alright and arranged a time I could bring his "Show & Tell" over to the school. Witnessing things like this are just one of the many joys of being a mom. I think it's sweet. And I'd do the same. Hey, they are the first on my list to show off to my friends.

My poor little boy.

My youngest has the flu. Poor kid. I've been holding him in my arms for 3 hours this morning just trying to ease his discomfort. I laid him down in his bed and held him some more until he finally fell asleep. I feel so bad to see my children sick. I'm grateful it is nothing too serious. Moments like these give me greater admiration and compassion for those loving parents who have had to watch their child go through or even be taken by a life threatening illness. That would break my heart into a million pieces - it would truly tear me a part.

A Proclamation to the World

In 1995, the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles issued “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” This proclamation is a declaration and reaffirmation of doctrines and practices that prophets have stated repeatedly throughout the history of the Church. It contains principles that are vital to the happiness and well-being of every family. Family members should study the proclamation and should live by its precepts.

“We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

“All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

“In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

“The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

“We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. ‘Children are an heritage of the Lord’ (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

“The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

“We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

“We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society” (Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102).

Is it ok if I just vent today?!

Shhhh. Let them sleep. They just need a nap, or a time-out... or they're hungry and tired and could use a nice long, warm bath.... but mostly they need a nap. I'm not talking about kids.... I'm talking about MOTHERS.

Normally I like to share things that are inspiring and uplifting to others. Today I'm not so sure that I could call this post "inspiring."

Today has been so overwhelmingly difficult with my kids and I am ready to explode. My kids are on year-round school and they have been off track for almost three weeks. Off track means no school... no school in the middle of the fridged winter with no money means my creative juices are all gone by the third week and I am drained!!!! Today they have done nothing but fight, scream, make messes, climb the walls and complain!!! They are driving me CRAZY! So, for their safety and my sanity, I have tucked myself in a little corner of the house and am wearing ear plugs.

I'm using my blog to vent this time.... I know it's not very uplifting but.... do you mind if I just SCREAM? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Breathe. Breathe. Breath. Now say to myself, "I love my kids. I love my kids. I love my kids. I don't want to kill them. I don't want to kill them. I don't want to kill them."

My mother-in-law is so awesome. She must be inspired. She called to offer to babysit tonight so my husband and I could have some time away from the kids. Oh, I love that woman. THANK YOU. My father-in-law is coming to help babysit too. Now I just need to endure the children for a couple more hours... I think I can make it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel... and I don't think it's cuz my children are killing me, so this is good.

How is it that these beautiful little children of mine, who have given me so much joy and fullfilment in my life, give me days that are a living hell? OH how I love them. I think that it's BECAUSE I LOVE them that days like this hurt so much.

Tonight, I will have some time off (thanks to my in-laws who are a God-send). I will get some good rest tonight and tomorrow I will feel much better. Awww. I feel better already.

Winter Fun

My youngest has muscles!!! He actually pulled is older brother across the entire yard and he's half the size of his big brother.



My husband, adding a little more speed to the sleds. He knows how to make things so much more fun for the kids... and he has the energy for it too. When he's home, I totally get to kick back. There's no contest, the kids would rather play with daddy any day.

My youngest boy. He has so much personality. He's the most cuddly of all my kids....oooo.. I love it!

These expressions are typical of my oldest. I think he has over 200 faces. He is such a clown.

This is my beautiful daughter, she was sick and had to watch her brothers play outside from the window. She is so full of energy and knows how to make her brothers roll on the floor with laughter. Oh don't let that sweet little innocent smile fool ya... look a little closer... do you see the wild streak in her eyes?